Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Leave Santa Alone!

For some reason the PC police have set their sights on Santa Claus this year much to the dismay and disappointment of children all over the world. First, there was the story out of Australia where Santas were forbidden from saying "Ho, ho, ho" because it might be offensive to women. Instead, Santas were instructed to say "Ha, ha, ha!" But why grown women who understand the adult meaning of the word "ho" would find themselves on Santa’s knee in a position to be offended in the first place is beyond me. (Perhaps it’s a cultural difference. Those madcap Aussies.) And secondly, isn’t Santa supposed to say "Ho, ho, ho"? It says so in all the books. And isn’t that laugh supposed to be accompanied by a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly?

Oh, and about that belly, Santa, the PC police also think you’re too fat. On the news last night I saw a story that perhaps Santa is sending the wrong message to children. After all, we have a childhood obesity epidemic in this country and apparently it’s all Santa’s fault. It has absolutely nothing to do with the example parents set for their children or the processed fast food being shoveled into our kids for convenience sake. NO. Santa’s the bad guy.

When interviewed by a reporter for this story, school children overwhelmingly favored an overweight Santa rather than a thin one. So it seems Mrs. Claus from the Rudolph special was right all those years ago when she said "Eat, Papa, eat! No one likes a skinny Santa." Imagine the disappointment of a child after waiting in line for hours at the mall for his big chance to tell Santa the one and only gift he wants most for Christmas and when he finally gets to the end of the line there’s a skinny guy there in a red suit who says "ha, ha, ha" and wants him to sit on his lap. That’s not Santa! That’s just some creepy old guy.

Can’t we just keep our twisted adult thoughts to ourselves? Must Santa suffer from our own loss of innocence? Santa isn’t a pimp. He doesn’t have any hos. He’s love and generosity and good cheer. He’s not heart disease and diabetes. He's magic and wonder and happiness. So, yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus–he’s fat and he says ho, ho, ho! And may he "continue to make glad the heart of childhood."

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At 1:26 PM, Blogger Y | O | Y said...

The baby Jesus in the creche next door has chubby cheeks. Childhood obesity is all his fault! Why Oh Why didn't Mary and Joseph put him on diet Enfamil (with Splenda!) and divert the world from its gluttony?

At 9:55 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Amen, Michael!

At 10:21 PM, Blogger Mike said...

Sorry, Michael. Santa is dead. I know this because it was on the local news this week.

Can someone please explain this "sweeps week" thing to me?

At 7:05 AM, Blogger LSL said...

I love your last paragraph here. When I was reading the post I kept thinking, those are adult thoughts being put on children. Yuck!

At 6:05 AM, Blogger bigone said...

I don’t think Santa being fat is the issue with the obesity issue in our country. I don’t think making Santa thin is the answer. It’s silly and frivolous.

We love our fat santa. He brings joy to children, adult even the old. People don't need a thin santa. I don't think there is anything wrong with being fat or overweight. Fat people can also live health. Just like the big people at largeplace.com.


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